The Greatest Gift...

The greatest gift a child can give a parent is to say: "Thank you! You did a good job! I grew up, I'm OK, and I love you." I think this is the thing that all parents want to hear from their children.

I think this why a child yelling "I hate you!" can be the most hurtful thing a child can say to a parent.

My father passed away in 2007. And for some years before he passed away, I made sure that every time I saw him, I told him I loved him. I always gave him a hug as I did that.

My childhood was chaotic, and my father was an inconsistent parent when I was in my teens. He had alot to deal with between my mother's illness and raising two teenagers who were a bit rebellious. Each in their own way. We didn't give him an easy time.

My Dad took a lot of knocks from various sources for many years. As time went on, and I realized that I'd have less time ahead of me with him, than behind. I decided that I didn't want my last years with him to be ugly, or sad.

And truthfully, he started out strong as a father. Teaching me to read and write before kindergarten, helping me perfect my penmanship, he even played a little baseball now and then with the neighborhood kids and I.

I decided those things were the things I was going to build the memorial in my heart from. And those were the things I talked about at family gatherings, and acknowledged him for.

My Dad sacrificed a lot for my sister and me. He did his best. And as I grew in age, and wisdom, the more that became apparent.

To some, parenting comes naturally, others have to work at it. I realized his shortcomings weren't purposeful. There's no class on being a Dad. You don't get a "Dad Certification."

Through my work at Landmark Education, I learned the power of completion. To have an incident or relationship be whole and complete with nothing missing. I wanted my relationship with my father to be that way.

I wanted no regrets. Nothing left unsaid. I just wanted my Dad and I to be complete in our relationship. Because, I had already experienced the loss of both of my Grandmothers and felt incomplete with them. I wanted to tell them how much I loved them, and how much they meant to my life. And, I never took the chance to do that.

So, I made it a habit to always leave my relationship with my Dad in a complete state every time I saw him. It was easy. I loved it. It became the thing that had me look forward to seeing him. Based on a shift in who I was being, he became the Dad I always wanted.

As he lay in bed in the hospital in his last days, I told him I loved him. And to my joy, my brother and two sisters followed my example and did it too. As a family, we gave my Dad the best gift children can give a parent.

I love my brother and sisters. They are the best I could have hoped for. I'm proud of them, every day. And in that moment at my father's bedside, I truly got how great they were. How great my Dad was, to have four such wonderful children.

Finger-paintings, home made cards, ties, and clay pencil holders can't compare to the power of completion and acknowledgment. That one lesson, one of many learned at Landmark Education, was worth all the work, and all the time I put in there. I'm forever thankful to my friends and Seminar Leaders for helping me become a person I love.

I think of Dad every day. I miss him. But there's nothing unsaid. No lingering regrets. All that's there is love and appreciation.

I love you Dad, and thank you.